Closer
by remus lupin kisses x.x
Summary: *Damn, I suck at summers* A few secrets that Harry has been hiding from the world are found out by none other than Severus snape during a lesson of occlumency. He is forced to live with his potions master in his private chambers... will this bring them close?
1. Finding out

I don't own anything on fanfiction.

Categories: Fanfiction Characters: Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Severus Snape, Vernon Dursley, _Harry/Snape  
Genres: Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Angst Warnings: Abuse, Child Abuse, Rape, Graphic Sexual Content  
Challenges: None  
Series: None

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Harry woke with a start. Fear coursing through his veins. He gasped for breath as beads of sweat ran down his ashen face. His body trembled uncontrollably while he tried in vein to block his uncle from his thoughts. He had to remind himself that he was safe. He was at school and he was safe. At his one true home and he was safe now.  
Harry turned in his bed and with a shaking hand switched on the light. He gazed around at his dorm mates. They all lay blissfully asleep, Ron murmured slightly before resuming his usual light snoring. Harry envied them. All of them. Their simple lives, the families they could go home to, their innocence. How he wished to be one of them. Even for a day. To be free of everything that plagued his mind.  
Dawn began to streak through his window so he moved his weary body from his bed. He had given up on sleep long ago. Every time he closed his eyes he could see the red sweating face of his uncle Vernon. He grabbed his toiletries and headed for the bathroom.  
After showering and brushing his teeth he lathered his face with shaving foam. Removing the razor from his bag he began dragging it up his cheek. Suddenly on the third stroke he nicked his skin. Stinging sharp pain ran through him. He dropped the razor more in shock than anything else. It struck the cold stone floor with a clatter. Even though the cut was barley more than a deep scratch he found within it the bliss he had longed for.  
He felt numb. A deep craving pulsed through him. He grabbed the razor. He took one last look at his pale bare arm. His grip grew stronger. He slashed it hard, deep and fast. The razor moved like a blur. Blood landing everywhere. Deep gashes pooling and spilling to the floor. Rivers of crimson flowing from him. A small whispering voice of reason called from within him to stop. He didn't. He couldn't. He steered clear of his inner arm, it wasn't as easy to wage his attack on. All negative thought left his body. There was nothing but release. Everything he had lost. Everything he had faced. All left mind as the blood left his body. Cedric, his parents, voldemort, his uncle... He was free. He slid down the tiled wall, empty. The only thought hat crossed his mind... "I'm alive"

Sometime later he scourified the room. He cleaned himself off with his sponge, he wanted to look after without the magic. Wanted to clean and maintain his cuts himself so as to have complete control over what he had done. The rest of his life so beyond his control but at lease now, now he would have something he could control. His own little secret.

A few months later:

"I will attempt to penetrate your mind"  
"What? NO! No, no, no! He can't. He'll see... Oh God!" Harry's raced as sheer panic settled in every cell of his body. His eyes darted from his professor to the door. He knew he couldn't run. There would be no point in it, it wouldn't stop what was about to happen. It would merely postpone it. He silently begged to all the deities he knew of to give him the strength to block out the bat like man that stood before him.

"You will attempt to resist" Snape purred out. Harry knew he didn't even have a chance of doing so. Every thought that he least wanted anyone to know buzzed beneath his skull.  
"Legilimens" Then he was there, in his mind. Harry was pulled in too, he would be forced to watch anything that Snape might uncover. He was everywhere, mining into every corner of Harry's mind. Every thought, every memory, even his dreams lay completely exposed to Snape. His face contorted slightly as he tried in vein to throw his professor from his mind.  
Images flashed before Harry. They were clearer than he could consciously recall. It was as though he had fallen into a dream and was watching himself rather than being himself.  
His first day at school, Hermione, Ron, the first real Christmas he had, Sirius asking him to live with him. They swam slowly through other flashed here and there and then Harry saw it... the graveyard. He knew Snape would uncover that memory sooner or later. Cederic...  
Harry could feel bile rise from his empty stomach. His throat began to burn. Suddenly Snape pushed away from it and went at speed through the mass of memories.  
The philosopher's stone, moaning myrtle, the basilisk, the first time his uncle hit him...  
The bile burned deeper in his throat. He tried once more to push out the potions master. His head ached as he tried to focus.  
Snape didn't stay on the memory so he only saw enough to think that it was normal discipline. Just a spank. Harry silently thanked his luck as Snape pulled out of Harry's mind.  
"Concentrate Potter" The man looked no worse for wear. Harry, however could that his top was sticking to him with sweat. Snape strode over to him. Inches from the boys pale face. "Useless" he spat.  
"I'm not useless" Harry retorted. The lie slipped out like poison. Harry knew what his professor said was true. He was worthless. Vernon had told him so many times. He was nothing.  
Snape had his wand at the ready again, standing just feet away from where Harry sat.  
"Legilimens" he called out again and Harry felt himself pulled back in to his own mind.  
Snape moved slower this time. Lingering here and there on specific memories.  
Harry watched as he saw a younger version of Hermione run down the great hall and pull him into a fierce hug. . . he saw his dorm where Ron and his other friends sat happily laughing and eating honey ducks sweets.  
Suddenly without warning they landed straight in the graveyard. Harry stomach knotted as fear griped him. "No!" he yelled out from the depths of his own mind. Cedric called to Harry to tell him that the cup was a port key. "Please!" Harry begged "Please don't let me watch him die!" his voice broke at the last with a chocked sob.  
"Then stop me" Snape sneered back. He appeared in the memory and stood next to Harry. Harry barley even noticed Snape's presence. He was too lost in his own remorse. Sobbing to himself and more of the scene played out.  
"Please don't... don't make me see it... not again" Harry whispered brokenly. Snape held on for just a moment more. He knew he could never let potter go through that amount of pain at his own hand. He refused, however, to let the boy know this. No one must know of how he felt for Harry. Dumbledore was the only person that knew and as far as Snape was concerned so it would remain. With a mental sigh he pulled back and moved through Harry's mind looking for a prominent one. He found it quickly. Harry in trying to hide it had done the complete opposite and brought it forward by accident.  
*probably some infantile almost – got - caught – masturbating memory* Snape thought to himself. He tried to hold back a mental shudder at the thought of a very naked Harry potter doing just that. *it may be rather amusing to see the boy's reaction to me watching it* he reasoned, trying to convince himself that it was nothing what so ever to do with seeing potter naked. *besides this may be the incentive he needs to master occlumency and far be it for me not to try it from all angles. Dumbledore is always saying that I might like to try a different approach to teaching*

Without further thought he pulled them towards the memory. He stopped them just short of entering the scene and chose instead only watch it. It may have been very embarrassing if he got a reaction to seeing a masturbating potter. He shivered again at the thought.

Vernon stood in front of a slightly younger Harry. *probably just last summer* Snape thought absently.  
"How many times Potter?" Yelled a fat red faced man. He moved to Harry's small frame in one stride. He clenched his fist a delivered a painful blow to the boys face. Harry instantly fell to the floor. His nose streaming with blood. "I'm the only one that could EVER want you. The only one that can even stand to be near you. Where the fuck do you get off looking at boys when we're out. After all I fucking do for you!"  
He swung his foot back and kicked forcefully at Harry's stomach. Harry made a high wheezing noise in his throat. His hand coming over his hand. The man dragged him to his feet. "You disgusting little freak!" he yelled. Spit flying from his mouth and his rage boiled to a new temperature. His fist moved in what looked like a blur. Punched again and again in to Harry.  
Snape was too shocked to even blink. He just stared at the scene that played out. He could do nothing but watch, completely frozen. Why hadn't Harry told someone? Dumbledore would never allow this. Never!  
"No one could ever love you boy!" the fat man continued. Harry's body lay broken on the floor. As though something deep within him had been broken. Something that not even madam Pomfry could mend.  
Vernon's already flushed face was scarlet now. Sweat pouring from him. He grabbed from the boy again.  
"No, please, please uncle Vernon."  
"Get up" Harry forced himself to stand on unsteady legs. Hunched over, tears mixed with the blood as the flowed down his cheeks.  
Vernon removed his belt. "Pull them down boy"  
"No, please! God... please, don't. Not again. I can't. Please"  
"Now!"  
Harry's voice whimpered from somewhere outside the memory, somewhere in his mind. "Please" he whispered to Snape"Not that one. Get out of that one" he sounded to Snape like man about to walk off the edge and never return. Harry's broken sobs pulled Snape back to memory. He was shakily lowering his over large trouser. His entire body seemed to slow down as he rose up. He didn't lift his head all the way up though. He refused to look into the eyes of this monster. Snape almost gagged as he saw the bulge in the mans trousers.  
He pulled out of Harry's mind instantly. He stood for a long moment trying to process what he had just witnessed.  
"Harry?" Snape's voice trembled ever so slightly. He felt torn between hunting down this foul man and gutting him or staying with Harry to help him. Harry just sat with his head bowed, much like it had been in the memory. His arms wrapped around his cheats in an effort to comfort himself. He seemed unaware of where he was let a lone the fact that Snape was in the room with him.

Snape felt physically sick. He couldn't be sure Harry had been raped but he was almost certain he had been and judging from the way the boy had spoken it hadn't been the first time.

"Did he... did he rape you Harry?" He asked quietly. His voice sounding kind. He didn't even notice himself that he slipped out the boy's first name.  
Harry lifted his head slightly, tears glistening in his emerald eyes as they meet the obsidian ones of Snape's. He nodded his head slowly.  
Snape inhaled deeply, unsure of how to proceed. He opened his mouth but at the moment Harry twisted violently in his seat. He wretched over the side of the chair. The bile that was burning his throat now covering the cold dungeon floor. Snape rushed to Harry. His instinct to care for the boy over shadowing his desire to conceal his affections.  
He went to put his arm round him. Harry quickly pulled away as if struck by him.  
"I will never hurt you Harry. You are safe here" The boy gazed at him through blood shocked eyes. Suddenly he jumped to his feet. Snape stumbled back. Harry moved towards him  
"Oh please! Please don't tell anyone. Not even Dumbledore." He looked manic in the dim light.  
"You cannot keep this to yourself. Quite frankly I'm astonished that you haven't reported it before now."  
What was happening had played over in Harry's head countless times. Being caught... someone finding his scars or cuts, someone walking in on him slashing his arm. Never once in all those thoughts had it been Snape who found out.  
"No, no you can't. Don't tell!"  
"I have to" Snape said but corrected himself only seconds later "We have to" Snape thought for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully. "No one should ever have to suffer such an ordeal."Harry collapsed back on the seat. "Dumbledore will remove your from their care. He will never touch you again. We have to go to his office right now to deal with this."

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Please review


	2. author note

_ In this story, I have no idea what will happen next, I'm just trying to write it and work it out as I go. As well as that, I have my GCSE exams starting in a few weeks….urgh….so obviously, that means I'm going to be busy doing revision. And unfortunately, this doesn't count. If only fanfiction was a school subject._

_Anyway, thank you for reading this so far, and I promise to try to update as soon as I can._

_Farewell, until we one day meet again…_

_**Remus lupin kisses x.x**_


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